Yeti in the Cathedral?

Hey Strangers!

I'm sure you've all seen the news about St. Louis Cathedral in Jackson Square. Doors smashed apart. Ice everywhere. I'm sure you've heard the "official explanation" about an overworked A/C unit whose coolant tanks must have burst, smashing out the door, filling the church with Freon and winter air before jettisoning itself off over the square and into the mighty Mississippi where the evidence will never be found. How convenient. And of course there's no security footage anywhere of this gas explosion because of course there isn't. Most touristy spot in the city and no cameras saw anything? Yeah, okay, mister investigator. Nothing strange happened. I believe you. Just a regular gas explosion. Move along. Move along.

Look, I haven't seen the pictures from the scene personally, but I have a friend who has, and he says the splinters indicate the door was clearly smashed inward like something trying to get in, and not outward like a flying Freon canister on its way to the river. That nobody saw (the can. Not the river. Obviously). No, my friends. That door was SMASHED IN. By something big and nasty and powerful.

But wait, I hear you asking. I thought monsters couldn't go on holy ground. Werewolves, vampires, and ghosts are all cursed and thus unable to enter holy places, so what gives?

I'm glad you asked. I think it was a yeti. I'm sure you're asking yourself how that makes any sort of sense. Don't worry. Old Steve's going to explain.

First, a yeti is a powerful creature with extra-normal powers (hence the smashed oak doors and the ice and snow everywhere), but the thing is, it isn't supernatural. Just a strange part of nature. That means it's not cursed. That means it can enter hallowed ground without problem.

Second, the cold. What's a yeti, known for inhabiting icy wooded regions doing in the warm humid swamps of New Orleans? I know it gets hold here, but not that cold. True. EXCEPT... I don't think it was native to the place. Sasquatch, maybe, but not the yeti. No. I've heard whispers of a big global corporation that does biomedical experiments on the supernatural, the paranormal, and the strange to help develop better aging creams and diet supplements and things like that (after all, where better to study anti-aging than a vampire, or metabolic stimulation than a werewolf?). Anyway, my theory is their "field research teams" caught a yeti up in Canada or Minnesota and were shipping it down river to their research labs in a refrigerated shipping container, except even with the refrigeration and the yeti's ice and snow powers, this far south, it couldn't stay cold enough. It made the container walls brittle with cold, smashed its way out, and escaped from the ship.

So why attack the church? That I don't know. I know a lot about yetis, but not their psychology. It's the only piece of the puzzle I can't figure out (as to what happened to it, clearly it escaped north, hence all the blizzards and stuff, and the pharmatech company paid off the officials to cover it all up). If you have any theories why a yeti would smash up such a beloved cathedral, I'm all ears.

Until next time,
Stay Strange!
-Steve